Signs that you have “Daddy Issues” or struggle from the “Father Complex”

Good morning beautiful people, I am hoping you had a goodnight's rest. If it is not morning wherever you are located, then Hello Hello good people!! On Sunday’s I've started going live to discuss this topic that we all have suffered from one way or the other. It has been an issue of great impact on the lives of so many from our childhood and throughout our adulthood.

Many of us have had a father who was very much unavailable emotionally or simply unable to meet our needs. This has caused children to grow up with certain attachments styles that have impacted them throughout their adulthood. A person then develops either secure or insecure attachments styles from the impact of their relationship with their father.

Mother wounds are also impactful but the struggle is severed with father wounds. Today we will be stating some of the main things you are to look for as an individual to enlighten you to begin the process of healing and allowing God to restore you. This should help you recognize and seek the healing you need. We first have to identify what it is that we need healing from, when it is recognized, we can begin by addressing the issue from the root.

1. Feeling of rejection: “If a male or female felt unloved and rejected by their father, they are at risk for having needs that are unrealistic or difficult for their partner to fulfill.” You find yourself having very high expectations from your partner and when they are unable to fulfill them you are instantly bothered and this can lead to constant conflict between couples. Usually, this kind of behavior when exhibited by a female drives her husband away. If you have this issue you find yourself asking your partner to go above and beyond to show how much he loves you. It puts a strain on the relationship( this can also happen in non-romantic relationships as well). Example: in a friendship( you might want your friend to call you all the time, constantly visit you, etc., instead of allowing the relationship to naturally flow). In a marriage or a romantic relationship, you find yourself constantly trying to control every movement and activity of your partner.
2. Fear of abandonment: if the father left their family when they were young. They face the fear of their partner leaving the same way their dad did. Usually, you find these partners been extra particular about their partner whereabouts. Why is he working late? Or they might be trying to go everywhere with their spouse just to make sure they don't feel abandoned. This can happen also in a friendship, you find them constantly coming up with activities to make sure that there is no gap in the friendship for the fear of losing that relationship. The opposite can also occur where the fear or been abandoned causes you to be negative and have no expectations, but constantly expect that everyone will leave you. This extreme cause people to isolate.

3. Dismissive-avoidant: These women/men have Trust issues. They have trouble trusting others for fear that they’ll be hurt. Trusting your partner or even in a non-romantic relationship is very important and it helps sustain the relationship. However when we find ourselves, constantly looking behind our partner or just insecure about them cheating or getting too close to another friend in the case of a non-romantic relationship. These partners get worked up easily and are always sneaking behind their partners. Now don’t get me wrong others have these issue because they have been cheated on or their trust have been broken by a friend. Most of the time it derives from their daddy issues.

4. A need for constant reassurance and validation: Unfortunately, women with a high need for validation often pay a social price. They may be accused of being self-centered, attract untrustworthy partners, or be taken advantage of, all the while experiencing deep neediness that goes unmet. They are constantly needing to be validated by others. They have a problem if their spouse doesn’t regularly compliment them and profess his love for them. For non-romantic relationships, they will also seek the validation by going above and beyond to be approved and to fit into a box of perfection or a that the group. This means spending long hours working hard to make satisfy others' needs.

5. ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT STYLE: She’s/He is Jealous, Clingy, and Insecure, constantly. Women/Men who behave this way are subconsciously living in a state of fear and distrust. They desperately want to feel loved, safe, and secure, but due to their attachment wounds (aka “father issues”), they unintentionally suffocate the life force out of their relationship. This goes hand in hand with the dismissive-avoidant. Your partner constantly feels overwhelmed because they have to be constantly with you, around you, or doing whatever it is with you. For men who have women like this put up a wall and for them to have their “me-time”, they have to fight for it or go out of the house to get some air.

6. Unequal power balances: These women/men are very power-hungry. They struggle with being in control and running things. They constantly have to run everything and everyone. They come across very bossy and end up pushing people away from themselves. In other areas of their life, like a church or any organization they are in, they find themselves stepping on others to get to the top. It doesn't matter how they get there they will inflict pain if they have to, on others just to make it to the top.

7. Poor communication Styles: Women with Daddy issues are either aggressive or passive-aggressive in their communication or actions. They do not know how to communicate well. Expressing themselves can either be their strongest skill set but aggressive or their weakest which is not speaking up but acting it out. They may be passive-aggressive in the sense that they don't say much but instantly would blow up in unexpected circumstances. They could be angry at you but will not react but then bottle that feeling up till, in an instance of something minimal happening then, they will have a huge outburst. In this case, no one saw this coming at all.

8. Negative self-esteem getting in the way of the relationship: They exhibit negative low self-esteem. Constantly commenting on their body, looks, or negatively commenting on other's bodies and looks. They tend to be insecure physically, (exhibiting dislikes for their body and others) emotionally, spiritually. They constantly comment negatively on other’s body looks and would judge others from their mindset or lense of what they think a perfect body should look like. They can rule judgment in various ways.

9. Constantly dating someone much older than you: Women with daddy issues find themselves always dating people who are very older than them. They are constantly seeking that fatherly figure in that older man. Looking for someone to fill that void and seeking as my mentor put it the “ Saviour Complex”. Men on the other hand can go the other extreme of marrying a woman or having a partner who is very younger than them to be able to control her.

10. Sticking with the Wrong partner: We tend to date or marry people like our father or parents. What we saw growing up becomes our norm is mirrored into our adulthood. The fear of abandonment can cause some women to be in a dysfunctional relationship rather than be alone. Women/men who struggle with abandonment fear are at a higher risk of relationship dissatisfaction because they would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship than be alone.

11. Fearful-avoidant: feeling unsure about intimacy and tend to run away from experiencing difficult feelings. She Fears Getting Close, as an adult, you may crave closeness and intimacy but then push it away to protect yourself. They constantly would self-sabotage a good thing going, friendship or relationship because “ It too good to be true”! When things are going well, they get the feeling of “I do not deserve it”, and instantly they start working hard to mess things up or breaking up the relationship.

These are most of the characteristics of people with daddy issues or the father complex. Again this pertains to both a man and a woman. These are some of the impacts the absence of a father emotionally or unmet needs of a child. As an adult, they will exhibit these and many more in their relationships( romantic or non-romantic). They form various insecure attachment styles.

This is a series however, the goal is for us to seek God to help us navigate these troubled waters in our life. We are to seek the healing and deliverance needed to be a healthy adult and maintain healthy relationships.